he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
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I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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