The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
