Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
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I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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