Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
