I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
