Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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