When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
