She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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