im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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