the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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