I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Everyone says I win the strip club
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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