I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
