Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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