i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
