I can text with my tongue
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
