white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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