It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
