My room smells like vodka and shame
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
