I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
