Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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