i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize