she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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