I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
