There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
