My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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