Me. At least after what I've been through.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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