I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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