Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
