Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We need to get me chipped asap
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
