and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
