I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Houston, we have a blender
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
