Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
