you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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