he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
