apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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