I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
