everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
