Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
