Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
