I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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