You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize