if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
