new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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