ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I understand Curling. That high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
