so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
