Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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