YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
