The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
