I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
