Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
