You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i've created a new STD.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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