go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
