Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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