I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i barfeds in our rink
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
