I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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