I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm like, not good at living.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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