weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Fuck appropriateness.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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