it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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