What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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