come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
