From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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