what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
