I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
