May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
