the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
