Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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