So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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