Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
