I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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